Everyday Trances: Language, Metaphor and the Milton Model
Two pieces I shared on my old site, an excerpt from Joseph O’Connor and Ian McDermott’s book Principles of NLP and John Burton’s essay “The Magic Carpet of Language,” made the same fascinating point: trance isn’t something exotic. We drift in and out of absorbed states all day long. Here’s my own take on why that matters.
The Milton Model: artfully vague language
When Richard Bandler and John Grinder studied hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, they noticed how skillfully he used general, permissive language. Instead of telling a client exactly what to experience, Erickson might say something like, “You may begin to notice a comfortable feeling somewhere…” The listener fills in the details from their own experience. Bandler and Grinder described these patterns as the “Milton Model.”
That kind of language invites the conscious mind to relax and lets your own inner resources come forward. It’s the foundation of the Ericksonian hypnotherapy I practice.
Trance is part of everyday life
Think of moments when your attention narrows and the rest of the world fades: being absorbed in a film, driving a familiar route on autopilot, daydreaming in a meeting, getting lost in music, or savoring a wonderful meal. Burton made the lovely point that every art form, whether cooking, music, painting or massage, invites us into some kind of absorbed state.
These everyday trances aren’t good or bad in themselves. Daydreaming can be wonderfully creative. But some everyday trances aren’t helpful at all.
Unhelpful trances
Imagine someone gets a mildly critical email. Within minutes they’re replaying old memories of being treated unfairly, rehearsing an angry reply, and feeling indignant, all before checking whether there’s actually a problem. That’s a trance too: attention locked onto an inner story.
A few ways to work with your own:
- Notice the trigger. A tone of voice, a certain thought, a time of day?
- Catch it early. It’s easier to step out at the start than halfway down.
- Come back to the present. Look around, notice what you can see and hear, feel your feet on the floor.
- Respect the purpose. Most unhelpful trances are clumsy attempts to protect you. Ask what it’s trying to do, and find a better way to do it.
The metaphors you live by
O’Connor and McDermott also wrote about metaphor. Try finishing this sentence: “Life is like…” A battle? A journey? A school? A dance? The metaphor you choose quietly shapes how you approach everything. Someone who sees life as a struggle will meet challenges very differently from someone who sees it as an adventure.
The same is true of organizations, and of health: we talk about “fighting” illness, but metaphors of balance, healing or teamwork with the body may feel more helpful to some people. Metaphors aren’t right or wrong, but they have consequences.
Try this
- Write down your current metaphor for an area of life that feels stuck.
- Ask: what does this metaphor make easy, and what does it make hard?
- Experiment with a new one for a week and notice what changes.
Small shifts in language and attention can open surprisingly big doors. In sessions, we use these ideas to help you step out of unhelpful patterns and into more resourceful ones.
If you’d like to find out whether this approach is a good fit for you, I offer a free, no-pressure consultation. Get in touch here and we can talk it through.
